Writer & blog reborn

Well it's been such a long time since I updated my blog! Sometimes, when you're going through a lot of changes personally the language of your heart changes & it takes a little time to fathom out how to put this new you into words. But finally, at this beautiful sabbat of Ostara, I feel the confidence to be able to convey my thoughts, feelings & musings with clarity.

So what's been happening in my world? Well, my family of feathery friends has increased somewhat for a start! There have been up & downs as I've lost old friends & welcomed new ones. But I'm incredibly blessed to be able to see lots of happy, healthy birds out in our little field & our back garden. Birds of all shapes, sizes & breeds. Stately Croad Langshans right down to teeny weeny Nankins. Each one is special to me, each one an absolute joy. I promise to share lots of pictures & stories soon, but here's a favourite snap of 2 of my Croad Langshan boys, Angel & Jet, with a couple of ex batt friends:

Spiritually I've been journeying down my solitary Pagan path, learning & growing as I go. I've met some incredibly beautiful people along the way & my heart has been opened to a myriad of new experiences, feelings & truths. At this stage in my life I feel very comfortable in my skin, happy that I have found my place in this life & thirsty to learn more. I have been drawn to crystal healing for a while, but now I am exploring herbal & flower healing. I am reading about animal healing in particular. There's so much I want to do - I want to become a Reiki Master; I want to become a holistic animal healer; I want to learn how to make my own oils & incenses; I want to spend every day connected to Mother Nature. I have never been so joyful!

Sometimes our goals & circumstances don't quite match up & for now I am only able to journey slowly. My sons are at very important stages in their lives & take absolute priorty right now. The usual monetary restriants come into play, etc., etc. But I have learned patience. I have learned that to walk at a slow pace is good bacause sometimes when you rush along you miss so many details & opportunities.

So here I am. As I sat under the incredible Full 'Super Moon' at the weekend I felt a kind of baptism. I hope the incredible serenity of the Lady Moon washed over you too.

Bright blessings

Sara xxx

A thought….

I will continue the update of my la-la-land of feathered creatures shortly, but I am in philosophical mood so I thought I’d share a thought with you.

I believe we are all born with a vibration inside us, a longing, a wildness. To achieve inner peace & true contentment we search for things that resonate with us. Some of us try to resonate with artificial stimulants e.g. wealth, material possessions, power, gambling, drink, drugs, pornography. We find they excite our inner wildness maybe. But they do not bring peace.

I believe that in order to find our Zen, that perfect balance of resonance, we need to connect to the natural world around us. To look at a sunset with fresh eyes. To wander barefoot & truly feel the heartbeat of Mother Earth beneath our toes. To take in the majesty of wild creatures around us. To appreciate the fragile beauty of rose petals or a butterfly’s wings

Only when we open our eyes again, childlike, do we find that the resonance we need is all around us. Waiting, forever there should we just reach out & touch it.

Be it the wildness of stormy waves crashing against a pebble beach, the haunting cry of an eagle soaring high on mystic thermals, the bright treasure of the colours in a rainbow or the serene peace of a deserted walk across untouched wilderness. Whatever your inner wild, there is a place for you that you can call home. You just need to take that walk with Mother Earth.

Bright blessings to you in harmony with all that is,

Sara xx

Dear Blog.......

Dear Blog, I am so sorry for neglecting you during March after you provided me with much comfort & joy & brought such lovely new people into my life. When things were busy & chaotic I ignored you for quick updates on Twitter & for that I beg forgiveness. I will make amends now by bringing you up to date with some of the stuff that's been going on in my life.........

Personally I've been on a bit of a journey recently. I 'found' Paganism & embarked upon a solitary hedgewitch path. This has brought such peace & beauty to my life & yet at the same time lots of questions & learning to be done. It has awaken the old activist side of me! I used to be quite heavily into animal rights when I was younger, but having my own children kind of buried all those feelings as the kids became the centre of my Universe. Now my soul has a home in Paganism I seem to feel keenly again all the hurt & unjustness in the world, especially where that relates to Nature & in particular animals. I have been an on / off vegetarian since my early teens but now I have become committed to a meat & dairy free diet, eating only my own free range eggs now by way of an animal product. I have strengthened my resolve to become as green as possible in all that I do. My lovely mum recently bought me some laundry products made by Ecozone that have really helped me on my way. You can read about just how much they reduce the environmental damage caused by washing & drying laundry by following this link - Ecozone - & I can personally vouch that they do really work!

I also found out just how much I love my children! Eldest Son contacted me from Uni to let me know that he had been mugged! Now fortunately he wasn't hurt & all that was taken was his mobile phone but clearly this would shake anyone up. Then it transpired that he was having health issues due to stress & anxiety caused by the pressure of his degree course & the fact that he wasn't sleeping at all well due to sharing with noisy, late night partying house mates. He was having some quite scary symptoms like nose bleeds & heart palpitations & his blood pressure was very high. Now he was dealing with all of those things very sensibly & had been to see the Welfare Dept at Uni about getting one of his work deadlines extended & had registered with a local Dr to get his physical symptoms dealt with, but I cannot tell you how much it broke my heart. I was OK when he told me as I was being strong & giving out sympathy & mum's advice, but the next day at work I just could not stop crying. I would have done anything to take the stress & illness away from him & to have erased his nasty mugging experience. The pain in my heart was more intense than anything I had experienced through troubles of my own. I just wanted to be able to fix everything for him! He's going to be just fine now I think. He's on medication to reduce his high blood pressure & he's at home for Easter at the moment enjoying some time out, some good sleep & of course, shed loads of TLC. Just his exams to get through & then it will be the long Summer break. He had already decided to part company from his current housemates & has a new house lined up for his final year with a new & hopefully much nicer, quieter crowd. The current year of his degree course is known to be the most intense so hopefully next year won't be quite so stressful for him. I know that no matter how old & grown up he is I love him right through to the very core of me & that come what may I will always be there for him, as I will be for my other 2 lads.

In animal news, lots has been happening! George & Mildred turkey are thriving and have totally wormed their way into my heart. Mildred has just come into lay & George has started 'displaying'. Now some people say turkeys are ugly, but if you get to know them they are really quite beautiful! They have the biggest, brown, soulful eyes for a start. When George displays he fan out his tail feathers like peacock, drops his snood down over his beak, puffs out his chest & stands proudly as much to say 'look at me, aren't I just so magnificent?'! He really is quite a sight to behold.

The 2 Silkies that my friend Andy collected both turned out to be cockerels can you believe it?! Silkies are such a hard breed to sex accurately! So Andy came down to visit again with another of my Twitter friends Jo (@amethysdragon) who is just such a lovely lady with an immensely warm heart & I was so glad to have met her. We had a wonderful afternoon together nattering & exchanging chook news & stories. Andy got to see how his cockerels Spicy, Snapdragon, Mr Dorking & Mulder were doing & Jo got to meet my infamous mad chicklets! Time passed all too quickly & soon it was time to exchange Amy & Patsy #1 (who are now named Patrick & Charlie!) with Amy & Patsy #2, my remaining confirmed Silkie girls.

So this left a huge dilemma with my beloved chicklets. I now had Teddy, Patrick & Charlie - Silkie cockerels. Alfie & Heathcliffe - D'Uccle cockerels. Bonkers & Big Bird - Polish cockerels. And not forgetting Rumpelstiltskin the Crele Pekin bantam that I had bought in a weak moment. With my lovely, lovely boys I only had my 3 Polish chicklet hens Conkers, Tiny & Cassie left & the other hens I had bought in - 3 Pekin girls Florence, Tilly & Tabby, my Buff Orpington bantam Clover & Barnevelder bantam Minnie. YIKES!! 8 cockerels with only 8 hens! As Patrick & Charlie had been happily co-existing at Andy's I decided to house them with Daisy & Seymour the Aylesbury ducks & George & Mildred turkey. This seems to have worked. Daisy duck loves the boys & can often be seen sat beside them in a maternal posture - very sweet! The boys were initially wary of the huge, scary looking turkeys but soon realised they were gentle & harmless. Some of my big hens hop over the divide from the main enclosure to admire & flirt with Charlie & Patrick so there are girls available to the boys if they can pluck up enough courage to woe them! However, they both seem content with their own company. They have a very strange relationship. Patrick is much bigger than Charlie & by far the more dominant of the two. Charlie is almost hen-like in his behaviour, although definitely a cockerel. So, due to this charming relationship, this housing arrangement is working a treat.


So that left 6 bantam cockerels with 8 bantam girls down in the back garden! Tensions were starting to show between the cockerels & although they weren't hurting each other skirmishes were breaking out more & more frequently. Fortunately, Jess over at the lovely Lavender & Thyme blog had very kindly offered me 3 Silkie cross hens. Phew! I really didn't want to part with any of my bantam boys, especially my chicklet boys. As a bonus it provided another opportunity to meet up with another virtual friend! So hubs & I tootled off down to Jess's place last Saturday to collect the new girls. What a treat it was to meet Jess. I can honestly say she is absolutely as lovely as she comes across in her blog & I really hope we get to meet up again. I could chat away to her for hours & hours & hours about all things chook! And it was all I could do to stop from stealing her gorgeous dog Alfie (the under gardener!) away with me! I even got to meet Syd the Muscovy duck that regularly visits the field opposite for his afternoon feed. He's a darling character! After tea & cake (yummy homemade carrot cake!) it was time to pop up to Jess's field, meet all her chickens & collect the Silkie cross hens. Jess had such a generous surprise waiting for me! Not just 3 Silkie cross hens, but 4 with my name on!! I was so grateful & they were such pretty looking things that I instantly fell in love with them. Seeing Jess's cockerels made me realise that my young cockerels (from Andy) still have a bit of growing to do. Jess has the most gorgeous & humongous Light Sussex sussex cockerel named Ben! Now he really is a magnificent boy!

So here's a little peek at the new girls on the block Snow White, Ginger, Cinnamon & Nutmeg. They have settled in very well & instantly the atmosphere between the back garden boys has become calmer! They all swooned over the new girls. So a 2:1 cockerel to hen ratio is much better, but I still really need another 6 bantam hens to ensure that the peace remains. It's a hard life! ;-)

As Spring arrived the incubator that had been stashed carefully way in the loft started calling to me. How could I resist? 6 Cayuga duck hatching eggs caught my eye on Ebay & arrived in the post before I could stop them! It seemed only proper to pop in a few of our own duck's eggs with them. 2 of the Cayuga eggs turned out to be infertile but I patiently waited for 4 Cayuga eggs, 1 Daisy & Seymour Aylesbury egg & 3 unknown duckzilla crosses to hatch. And I waited..... and I waited..... Day 28, hatch day, came along. Nothing. So I waited & waited, not so patiently! The tension was unbearable, but finally some of the eggs started to rock & I could hear ducklings tapping away on the inside of their shells. Then came cheeping! After lots of time spent on my hands & knees cheeping encouragement at the incubator, finally on Day 33, 2 tiny black Cayuga ducklings hatched! I think ducklings are one of Mother Nature's sweetest Spring babies along with lambs. Right from when they hatch they are delightful! They are inquisitive & full of the joy of life beginning. What struck me straight away was the difference between these ducklings from domesticated breeds & the little wild Mallard ducklings we rescued last Summer. The ducklings that hatched were instantly trusting & calm, something that moved me to tears & made me vow to be the best Mother Duck I could be to them. A further 3 agonisingly slow days later another 3 ducklings hatched, 2 of our own duckzillas which I suspect are Cherry Valley / Muscovy crosses & another duckling broke free from what was supposedly another Cayuga egg. But it was immediately apparent that this little duckling was definitely NOT a Cayuga. It's colouring & markings were so different. After contacting the breeder it turns out that he must have mistakenly sent me a Silver Appleyard egg in my half dozen! I wasn't complaining - Silver Appleyards are very beautiful ducks. Unfortunately at this stage I had to discard the 4th Cayuga egg & also our Aylesbury egg as they showed no sign of life. So one egg remained. It had externally pipped but was making slow progress & the humidity in the incubator was proving difficult to maintain. So eventually I gave this last little duckling a bit of a gentle helping hand by moistening the shell membranes that had stuck to it like glue & removing a small piece of shell to assist it's immense battle to fight it's way out into this world. Finally on Day 38, our last duckzilla duckling hatched! This one I'm not at all sure about in terms of it's parentage. I don't think it's a Muscovy cross as it's much smaller & darker than the other 2 duckzillas. I think it will be a case of wait & see as it grows. Whatever it's breeding it's incredibly pretty& very sweet natured. All 6 of the little munchkins are doing very well. They are as bright as buttons & full of exuberance. They crave our company & recognise my whistle from the hours I spent cheeping at them in the egg & quite literally throw themselves against the wire sides of their brooder to see me. They love being cuddled, which has meant a very special bond has grown not only between me & the ducklings, but also between those little cuties & my lads & hubs. We are all sharing in their incredible journey!



What else has happened? Well........

As well as being lucky enough to meet up with Andy, Jo & Jess I also had the opportunity to meet another 2 animal loving Twitter friends Rebecca (@vegebexy) & Jeni (@seren9) last week at Rebecca's invite. Mum has also joined the World of Twitter & came along with hubs & I. I was in heaven at Rebecca's place. I adore pigs! I would love to have a couple one day when we have a little more room, but for now just enjoy patting our neighbour's pigs through the fence. Bex has about 70 of them!! Mostly rescued pigs & all different shapes & sizes. Many were roaming free & everywhere you looked a happy piggy face was to be seen! I think that maybe I squealed more than the pigs that afternoon. It was just a fab day. The sun shone, we were in beautiful surroundings, in great company & chatter & laughter flowed freely. Bex & Jeni are both the loveliest of people & I'm sure we will be meeting up again. It is so thrilling when you get to meet someone in person with lots of hopes & expectations & you are not one bit disappointed! Oh, & Jeni & I swapped duck hatching eggs before we left!

So I have the social media of Blogland & Twitterverse to thank for bringing Andy, David, Jo, Jess, Rebecca & Jeni firmly into my life, along with friendships that I am sure will last forever. I think I've said this before, but if you feel a particular affinity with someone you meet online it might just be worth being brave & meeting up with them in real life. Just do it with safety in mind. Of course, you don't have to meet someone in the flesh to develop a meaningful friendship with them online. One of my favourite ladies to Tweet with is @scrummycupcake. She loves chooks & totally understands how daft I get with over my chicklets. We get on famously! When I had my last fibromyalgia flare she so very kindly sent me a set of aromatherapy oils which she had blended herself! It was such a thoughtful gesture & really touched me. The oils were gorgeous too & I burnt lots of the relaxing blend when I was waiting for those naughty ducklings to hatch! When she bought a 3 egg incubator of her own she sent me & Jeni some much cosseted Pekin Frizzle hatching eggs out of 6 she had bought, & some from from her own hens just after her beloved Crele Pekin Dave had sadly died, in the hope that we could hatch a mini Dave between us. Unfortunately my eggs didn't make it as I had to put them in makeshift incubator made out of a converted plant propagator because I didn't want to disturb the duck eggs. It was such a shame. But then shortly afterwards she sent me 6 replacement Frizzle eggs that the breeder had offered as compensation for what had been an overall low fertility rate of the original eggs. She's truly one of life's angels! The friendship she has shown me has been a bright light in my life recently & I treasure her kindness & online companionship enormously.



So in my incubator now are the 6 replacement Frizzle Pekin eggs from @scrummycupcake, 6 duck eggs from Jeni & also 6 Croad Langhan hatching eggs that I bought. I have chosen black Croad Langshan chickens as a bit of a breeding enterprise. They are a rare breed & I love the fact that they are big, yet docile birds. Due to the late hatching of my ducklings the Pekin & Croad Langshan eggs had to be stored much longer that I would have liked, so I'm keeping everything crossed that they will still be fertile & viable.

And that Dear Blog, just about brings me up to date. I promise to bring more cute duckling pictures soon & I leave you with the thought that is keeping me warm inside .....

As much as my heart feels the pain of the Goddess at the harm that mankind is doing to the planet & the suffering that is caused to animals, I also feel hope that things are beginning to change for the better because there are so many people who really do care & want to make a difference. As I make my pledge to make a difference I know lots of other people across the globe are doing so too, including those with a lot more power & influence than me. Let's hope the tide is turning!


Bright blessings


Sara xx

Sunshine

This post has been a work in progress for almost a week.... I almost didn't share it, but I think you're used to emotional ramblings from me by now!


Since opening my heart to a Pagan path my life has instantly become more beautiful. All the thoughts & senses that I have suppressed & hidden inside are now free. It's as though all my life I have contained my soul, my inner being, within a box & I've kept it controlled & done it harm. I have never before had the self confidence to open that box, but now that I have sunshine is pouring into my being! Things have changed in my life. I have a warmth inside me that brings me comfort & strength even at times of stress or sorrow. I understand with humility my place in this Universe & my duty to the Goddess / Mother Earth. I feel more connected than ever to the elements of Earth, Water, Air & Fire, to Nature, to the Moon & the tides & to the turning of the Seasons. I rejoice in all that has been revealed to me & I have a passion to learn & follow this path I have been shown to the full.


I am questioning lots about myself, or more correctly my life choices. After years of on / off vegetarianism I have now committed myself to a vegetarian diet, with the intention of also dropping dairy products & only eating my own free range eggs as an animal product. I am not against eating meat as such, but modern farming methods deeply trouble me & the cruelty many farm animals are subjected to upsets me immensely. I also know that I personally couldn't kill an animal for food, especially as I don't need to to live a healthy life.


In studying my life under a magnifying glass I can see how badly I have fallen into the traps of modern consumerism. I thought I was relatively eco-friendly as I recycle, compost, grow my own veg, monitor & reduce our energy usage, etc., etc. But I look at all the things I have bought from the supermarket recently & the potential harm the products are doing to Mother Nature & the planet scream out at me. When I was younger I was heavily into animal rights - so why now is my bathroom full of shampoos, soaps & chemicals that at best I'm not sure are tested an animals & at worst I know full well are tested in this way. It's not just toiletries & cleaning products either. I do buy Fairtrade when I see the label, organic sometimes if it's not too expensive, but shamefully a look in my food cupboard reveals items that have probably caused damage to the environment either through dirty air or road miles or in the chemicals & pesticides used to produce them. Clearly I have lost my way here! I'm not pretending for one minute that from this moment on I'm going to be a saint, but I'm certainly going to take a closer look at what I put into my shopping basket & try to make sure it's contents reflect more positively my desire to protect & respect the environment, Nature, the animals & plants that share this planet with us & humankind itself.

Other things have happened to me. A greater ability to reach out to others, to find kind words, to chide myself for unkind thoughts, a heightened psychic awareness, a new positivity in my life & a surge of creativity. I want to learn to crochet, get out my pencils & paints again, write, cook - anything to express the whirling, beautiful, passionate joy & exuberance in my heart.




Here's one of my first efforts - lovely homemade marmalade. Pop over to Herne Garden's inspiring blog for the recipe. I used demerera sugar for mine, & reserved all the pith & pips removed by hand juicing the oranges & tied it all up in muslin. I popped this parcel in with the rest of the ingredients during the soaking & simmering stages, then removed it before boiling the marmalade. Making the marmalade was a joyful experience! I gave thanks to the God & Goddess for the fruit & breathed the gorgeous citrus scents right deep down into my lungs. I just beamed when the finished pots sat in a row in my kitchen & I planned who to share them with. I am, of course, completely biased but it is the most delicious marmalade I have ever tasted!

There - I've shared it with you. All my joy, my hopes & my plans. Whatever you have planned or enjoyed I hope you have found sunshine during this cold month of January.

Good news!

I'm very pleased to report that Mr Dorking appears to be well on the road to recovery! He has been on his feet the past couple of days now & is thoroughly enjoying all the fuss & attention he's receiving. He is still coughing but his breathing is much better & his strength is returning. We have developed a kind of Lord of the Manor / Butler relationship. I bring him goodies such as warm pasta & carrot or rice & veg & he scoffs it up with relish & looks at me as much to ask what's for dessert! I am so happy I can't tell you. He is rather a special bird - a gentle soul & very wise for his young age. However, he has no table manners whatsoever. This is what is looks like when you share your en-suite with a recovering rooster (WARNING : the house-proud among you may find the following image disturbing!)

YIKES!

Also, when the bathroom is engaged & you have to use the en-suite loo it can be very off putting being eyeballed by him when you're sat on the throne! But keeping him indoors in the warm is what the fellow needs right now & as his antibiotics are going into his water he needs to be separate from the other birds for another couple of days after today. For those who are maybe thinking that it all seems such a lot of effort for a bird click here to read a previous blog post explaining exactly why I do this & why it is all very much worth it. You see they're not just birds to me. They are friends & companions & I believe that as they're in my care I have a deep responsibility for their well-being. The promise of Mr Dorking recovering, being able to watch him grow to full, magnificent adulthood & spend happy times in the Summer sat on the grass in his company is more than reward for the heartache of the past couple of days.

We've had another covering of snow here, so we awoke to fresh virgin whiteness again. But it meant we were faced with the problem we were dreading of having to get Middle son to school for an AS level exam when his school was shut to all other pupils & the buses weren't running. But wonderful hubby managed to make the treacherous journey in my car & they both returned safely much to my relief. Middle son is currently pacing behind me as I'm typing this as he has AS Chemistry tomorrow & apparently it helps him to recall & recite chemical equations & the such! I may need to buy him some new carpet by the time his exams are over! I'm so proud of him & the way he's coping with what is a stressful situation.

If you're also still suffering with snow / ice problems then I hope you are managing to stay safe & warm. Take heart as the Pagan Sabbat of Imbolc is just around the corner (2nd February), which celebrates the returning sunlight & the first stirrings of Spring.

Please do take care & don't forget to feed & provide water for the wild birds. It's really tough for them at the moment!

Snowed in!

Yesterday it snowed quite heavily in a short period of time, enough to cause Youngest son's school to be closed at lunch time enforcing an early finish from work for me. By late afternoon we were surrounded by a Winter Wonderland! Hubby made it home safely from work, driving all the way back from Head Office in Surrey, but had to leave his car at the neighbouring farmhouse as he couldn't get down our driveway. Last night more snow fell & when we measured this morning we had 8 inches of beautiful, clean, crisp white snow lying all around us! The dogs all bounded out into the garden & came to a rapid halt! It was way deeper than it looked. Maggie just about managed with some extra bounce in her step but poor Mabel being of diminutive proportions (OK, she's a real short-arse!) had to bounce like a Tiggery thing to get about. Poor Polo soon grew heavy snow boots - great clods of snow sticking to the fine fur on her legs. Not good when you're 10 & have arthritis in your back legs! So it was decided that just big Meggie dog should go out for a walk in the snow drifts. She did enjoy it so & played like a puppy!

There was certainly no way that any of us were going anywhere fast, so whilst poor hubby had to work at the kitchen table the lads & I ventured out into this Winter Wonderland to dig the critters out & make sure they were all fed & watered & kept safe and snug.

Once they had been dug out of their houses the ducks & geese all ventured out. The ducks greeted the snow like excited children, the geese a little grumpier as they couldn't get to the grass to graze. A good sprinkling of grated parsnip on the snow soon cheered them up. Big Cheese certainly didn't lose his smile over the chilly stuff!

However, we did discover that white ducks don't look so white in the snow!

Most of the hens were very sensible & stayed in their house which, although decorated with icicles on the outside, was cosy on the inside.

Snapdragon & Spicy the two young Welsummer cockerels, now feeling macho as they begin to mature, did bravely venture out - but not very far! Hattie was brave, or foolish enough to go further, but she hopped about very gingerly in the cold stuff.

The chicklets were all snuggled up in the shed & tucked into some corn in the afternoon to help them generate extra body heat to keep them warm overnight. Poor Cassie had another near death experience after Xmas that again I was thankfully able to bring her back from, so it has meant that the chicklets have had their heat lamp back on overnight. It just takes the edge off during the freezing nights. The cold doesn't seem to bother them one bit during the day time when they are their active & inquisitive selves!

Once the birds were all taken care of it was time for some fun, but I did get worried when it looked like this great big snowball was headed my way!

My sons made lovely snow people. I thought the one on the right looked a little magical, then later when I was snuggled up inside reading another enlightening chapter of 'Hedgewitch' it struck me that it was a little like a crude representation of the Horned God - was this a sign that witchcraft is the Pagan path intended for me? I have learned that witchcraft is a beautiful, healing path of Nature 'magic' based around worship of two main symbolisms of Nature - the Goddess, representing Mother Earth & the Horned God representing her consort, the Father of all Life. The Horned God I have learned, just like withcraft, is nothing to be feared or suspicious about & has nothing whatsoever to do with evil or the devil. The God's horns are a powerful image of vitality, wildness & life force - the same emotions the vision of a magnificent stag might bring to your heart.

I feel uplifted & invigorated by what I am reading & learning. I am also expecting some introductory literature on Druidry in the post to see how it sits with me. It's like a candle flame within my soul is suddenly burning more brightly with a beautiful white golden flame. A flame of cleansing maybe, to prepare me for my path. A flame that will light my way. I hope so.

The snow has brought other thoughts to me. Snow is so beautiful when it first lies on the ground, virgin & white. It doesn't take long for us to turn it to dirty slush. Mother Nature is at her most beautiful when untouched by our hand. It has made me feel more resolved to take a more active role in caring for this planet & being gentle to Mother Earth. I am resolved to grow more of my own produce this year, regardless of whether the garden is also home to chickens or ducks. I can use mesh to protect my plantings. I will try & be more eco-friendly in my daily life. I will write to my MP's urging them to make the right decisions when it comes to 'Green issues' & take part in campaigns. It may all seem like feeble efforts against the hugely daunting & frightening disaster that Global Warming is, but each & everyone must surely do something so that we can say to our children that we acted.

Whatever path you may be on or what plans you may have for 2010 I do hope that you feel inspired & ready to make a good start.

Blessed be x

A New Year and a Pagan path

I hope you all had a very Happy New Year. Did you see the beautiful Blue Moon in the sky? Did you make a wish?

Towards the end of 2009 I discovered a beautiful path along which I intend to travel in 2010. It was like a revelation to me, but it was something that had been right under my nose all along. I found a home in the Universe & friends with similar ideas, beliefs & faith. I have always felt a little bit of a loner, a bit of an oddball really. Lonely, yes it's a strong word, but the right word for it. Despite being fulfilled as a mother & wife & being loved as a daughter, sister & friend a corner of my heart has always felt a little lonely because I have never before met people with whom I could talk openly, freely & from my heart without feeling bashful & foolish. I am often teased about my intense love for my animals. In the past I have blushed a little when I have read back some of my more emotional blog posts. I have bounced from one 'fad'to another, touching on things such as Reiki & Crystal Healing but not appreciating their place in a much larger faith. One thing I am so blessed with is a loving & suppportive family, who have never ridiculed me in my various quests even if they have not understood or have maybe worried a little about me.

So what is my big discovery you will be asking? I have discovered that the words written across my heart & soul are Pagan words. It's not a case of becoming Pagan, I am Pagan in every fibre of my being. I feel & sense the elements of Fire, Earth, Water & Air all around me & wonder at all of Nature's great bounty. But I also feel a fifth element - the great Spirit. The Spirit of Life, of all things. I feel the turning of the Season's & notice the cycles of the Moon & the Sun & feel how they affect the land. I feel humility & understand that I am just a speck of sand in the great order of things, but I also understand that I have power & a deep responsibility to be kind to myself, to others & to the Natural World. I feel great pain at the damage that Mankind is doing to our beautiful planet. In quiet moments of meditation I can sense that there is another dimension to which we all will travel at the end of our current life's journey & I believe that Death is not the end of things, but rather a time of rebirth, hope & the beginnings of a new journey. I have felt through my own fingertips the power of healing. These things I have always believed, but I have never before quite been able to form them into words. Part of me has been a little scared I guess to embrace things that I do not fully understand. But now I know it is time for me to learn so that I can more fully & openly express my beliefs & feelings.

So now I am 'born' I am thirsty for knowledge. There are many paths within Paganism & I must find the right one for me. Reading about Druidry has resonated deeply with me. But I am also tripping happily through the beautiful pages of a book 'Hedgewitch' by Rae Beth about solitary witchcraft which has also felt comfortable with me.

I am very excited & hope you will follow me on my journey as I share it with you, even if these ideas may be alien to you or it may seem that I have indeed finally gone crazy! ;-)

Blessed be.

Mother hen's journey

I was talking to my Mum recently about how wonderfully tame & cuddly my little chicklets are. She said it's hardly surprising since they've seen me every single day since they hatched! I realised that's absolutely true. Each & every day for the last 11/12 weeks I have nurtured, watched over & cared for them. I have fed them & watered them, but much more than that I have been surrogate Mother Hen to them. As well as time spent with them during the day, I have sat out with them each & every evening & they have come & cuddled up to me. I have learned their moods & their little personalities. I have a synergy with them. It's hard to explain. I can pick any one of them up & within a moment of holding them I sense how they feel, my grip adjusts accordingly & my fingers know how fast or slow to stroke their feathers. I can sense if they're playful & just want to climb on me. I can sense when they need some comfort & want to be held close. They are far more than just little chicks to me - they are little souls.

From the day they hatched to today I have loved them fiercely every step of the way.

It's been an amazing journey & those little chicklets have given me a very special gift in return. I've learned a lot about myself. This closeness to this miracle of Nature, this very beginning of the Cycle of Life, has reinforced all my personal beliefs & it's helped me understand my spirituality. Being in touch with new Pagan friends has also helped me work out my place in this Universe. Last night I looked up at the sliver of Moon in the sky & knew who I was.